Personal Best: Training Insights From Star Athletes

Of course elite athletes are naturally gifted. And of course they train hard and may have a phalanx of support staff — coaches, nutritionists, psychologists.

But they often have something else that gives them an edge: an insight, or even an epiphany, that vaults them from the middle of the pack to the podium.

I asked several star athletes about the single realization that made the difference for them. While every athlete’s tale is intensely personal, it turns out there are some common themes.

Stay Focused

Like many distance swimmers who spend endless hours in the pool, Natalie Coughlin, 30, used to daydream as she swam laps. She’d been a competitive swimmer for almost her entire life, and this was the way she — and many others — managed the boredom of practice.

But when she was in college, she realized that daydreaming was only a way to get in the miles; it was not allowing her to reach her potential. So she started to concentrate every moment of practice on what she was doing, staying focused and thinking about her technique.

“That’s when I really started improving,” she said. “The more I did it, the more success I had.”

In addition to her many victories, Ms. Coughlin won five medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, including a gold medal in the 100-meter backstroke.

Manage Your ‘Energy Pie’

In 1988, Steve Spence, then a 25-year-old self-coached distance runner, was admitted into the United States Long Distance Runner Olympic Development Program. It meant visiting David Martin, a physiologist at Georgia State University, several times a year for a battery of tests to measure Mr. Spence’s progress and to assess his diet.

During dinner at Dr. Martin’s favorite Chinese restaurant, he gave Mr. Spence some advice.

“There are always going to be runners who are faster than you,” he said. “There will always be runners more talented than you and runners who seem to be training harder than you. The key to beating them is to train harder and to learn how to most efficiently manage your energy pie.”

Energy pie? All the things that take time and energy — a job, hobbies, family, friends, and of course athletic training. “There is only so much room in the pie,” said Mr. Spence.

Dr. Martin’s advice was “a lecture on limiting distractions,” he added. “If I wanted to get to the next level, to be competitive on the world scene, I had to make running a priority.” So he quit graduate school and made running his profession. “I realized this is what I am doing for my job.”

It paid off. He came in third in the 1991 marathon world championships in Tokyo. He made the 1992 Olympic marathon team, coming in 12th in the race. Now he is head cross-country coach and assistant track coach at Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania. And he tells his teams to manage their energy pies.

Structure Your Training

Meredith Kessler was a natural athlete. In high school, she played field hockey and lacrosse. She was on the track team and the swimming team. She went to Syracuse University on a field hockey scholarship.

Then she began racing in Ironman triathlons, which require athletes to swim 2.4 miles, cycle 112 miles and then run a marathon (26.2 miles). Ms. Kessler loved it, but she was not winning any races. The former sports star was now in the middle of the pack.

But she also was working 60 hours a week at a San Francisco investment bank and trying to spend time with her husband and friends. Finally, six years ago, she asked Matt Dixon, a coach, if he could make her a better triathlete.

One thing that turned out to be crucial was to understand the principles of training. When she was coaching herself, Ms. Kessler did whatever she felt like, with no particular plan in mind. Mr. Dixon taught her that every workout has a purpose. One might focus on endurance, another on speed. And others, just as important, are for recovery.

“I had not won an Ironman until he put me on that structure,” said Ms. Kessler, 34. “That’s when I started winning.”

Another crucial change was to quit her job so she could devote herself to training. It took several years — she left banking only in April 2011 — but it made a huge difference. Now a professional athlete, with sponsors, she has won four Ironman championships and three 70.3 kilometer championships.

Ms. Kessler’s parents were mystified when she quit her job. She reminded them that they had always told her that it did not matter if she won. What mattered was that she did her best. She left the bank, she said, “to do my best.”

Take Risks

Helen Goodroad began competing as a figure skater when she was in fourth grade. Her dream was to be in the Olympics. She was athletic and graceful, but she did not really look like a figure skater. Ms. Goodroad grew to be 5 feet 11 inches.

“I was probably twice the size of any competitor,” she said. “I had to have custom-made skates starting when I was 10 years old.”

One day, when Helen was 17, a coach asked her to try a workout on an ergometer, a rowing machine. She was a natural — her power was phenomenal.

“He told me, ‘You could get a rowing scholarship to any school. You could go to the Olympics,’ ” said Ms. Goodroad. But that would mean giving up her dream, abandoning the sport she had devoted her life to and plunging into the unknown.

She decided to take the chance.

It was hard and she was terrified, but she got a rowing scholarship to Brown. In 1993, Ms. Goodroad was invited to train with the junior national team. Three years later, she made the under-23 national team, which won a world championship. (She rowed under her maiden name, Betancourt.)

It is so easy to stay in your comfort zone, Ms. Goodroad said. “But then you can get stale. You don’t go anywhere.” Leaving skating, leaving what she knew and loved, “helped me see that, ‘Wow, I could do a whole lot more than I ever thought I could.’ ”

Until this academic year, when she had a baby, Ms. Goodroad, who is 37, was a rowing coach at Princeton. She still runs to stay fit and plans to return to coaching.

The Other Guy Is Hurting Too

In 2006, when Brian Sell was racing in the United States Half Marathon Championships in Houston, he had a realization.

“I was neck-and-neck with two or three other guys with two miles to go,” he said. He started to doubt himself. What was he doing, struggling to keep up with men whose race times were better than his?

Suddenly, it came to him: Those other guys must be hurting as much as he was, or else they would not be staying with him — they would be pulling away.

“I made up my mind then to hang on, no matter what happened or how I was feeling,” said Mr. Sell. “Sure enough, in about half a mile, one guy dropped out and then another. I went on to win by 15 seconds or so, and every race since then, if a withering surge was thrown in, I made every effort to hang on to the guy surging.”

Mr. Sell made the 2008 Olympic marathon team and competed in the Beijing Olympics, where he came in 22nd. Now 33 years old, he is working as a scientist at Lancaster Laboratories in Pennsylvania.


This post has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: January 15, 2013

An earlier version of this post misstated the year in which Steve Spence competed in the Olympic marathon, finishing 12th. It was 1992, not 2004. It also misidentified the institution at which he is a coach. It is Shippensburg University, not Shippensburg College.

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Fitch warns that debt-limit delay could hurt U.S. credit rating









WASHINGTON — A failure by Congress to raise the debt limit "in a timely manner" could lead to a downgrade of the nation's AAA credit rating, Fitch Ratings said Tuesday.


Republicans want major government spending cuts in exchange for a debt-limit increase. But Fitch, one of three major credit-rating companies, said the debt ceiling should not be used to force a deficit-reduction plan.


"In Fitch's opinion, the debt ceiling is an ineffective and potentially dangerous mechanism for enforcing fiscal discipline," the company said.





Quiz: Test your knowledge about the debt limit


Fitch said a repeat of the bitter 2011 brinkmanship that led to a last-minute increase of the debt ceiling would trigger a formal review of the U.S. credit rating because it would raise doubts about the ability of policymakers to agree on ways to reduce the budget deficit.


But Fitch also said that the failure to come up with a plan that would reduce the long-term deficit while not damaging the economic recovery also could lead to a credit-rating downgrade.


Standard & Poor's downgraded the U.S. AAA rating in 2011 after the last debt-limit battle. Fitch and the other major firm, Moody's Investor Services, did not. But they have given the U.S. rating a negative outlook, a prelude to a downgrade.


Moody's said on Jan. 2 that the fiscal-cliff deal to avert most of the automatic tax increases set to kick in at the beginning of the year was not enough to remove that negative outlook, citing uncertainty over the debt limit and a broad deficit-reduction plan.


On Tuesday, Fitch also said U.S. policymakers had a lot of work to do to save the nation's AAA rating.


"In the absence of an agreed and credible medium-term deficit-reduction plan that would be consistent with sustaining the economic recovery and restoring confidence in the long-run sustainability of U.S. public finances, the current negative outlook on the AAA rating is likely to be resolved with a downgrade later this year even if another debt-ceiling crisis is averted," Fitch said.


The fresh warning on the risks of a debt-limit delay came a day after President Obama and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke cautioned Republicans not to risk a U.S. default by failing to pass an increase in the coming weeks.


The U.S. technically reached the debt limit on Dec. 31. But the Treasury Department has been using what it calls "extraordinary measures" to juggle the nation's finances and buy some more time.


Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner informed congressional leaders Monday that those measures would be exhausted as early as mid-February, though they could give lawmakers until mid-March. Geithner said it was difficult to be more precise because the flow of money in and out of the Treasury is more volatile during tax season.

Fitch echoed warnings by the Obama administration that hitting the debt ceiling would lead to a default. Some Republicans have said that the government could prioritize payments to investors to avoid such a default, but the Treasury has said it does not have that authority.


"With no legal authorization for net debt issuance, the Treasury would be forced to immediately eliminate the deficit — a fiscal contraction twice as great as the recently avoided 'fiscal cliff' — by delaying payments on commitments as they fall due," Fitch said.


"It is not assured that the Treasury would or legally could prioritize debt service over its myriad of other obligations, including Social Security payments, tax rebates and payments to contractors and employees," Fitch said.


Failure to send out Social Security checks and make other payments to government employees "would not constitute a default event from a sovereign rating perspective" Fitch said. But still, it would "very likely prompt a downgrade even as debt obligations continued to be met."


ALSO:


Bernanke urges Congress to raise the debt limit


Geithner's new debt-limit estimate: Mid-February to early March


Moody's says 'fiscal cliff' deal doesn't end credit downgrade risk



Follow Jim Puzzanghera on Twitter and Google+.





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An Anaheim woman demands respect for her neighborhood









Yesenia Rojas, vibrant in her purple shawl, sang with a voice so powerful it rose above the rest of the procession as they shuffled down the damp Anaheim sidewalk.


"Era mexicana. Era mexicana," they sang with a statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe hoisted high, candlelight and street lamps illuminating their way. "Madrecita de los mexicanos."


The singsong serenade lauds the patroness, the mother of all Mexicans.








On this drizzly evening, Rojas led the group down Anna Drive, where she and her family have made their home.


In a city often defined by Disneyland and elegant sports venues, this street of working-class Latino immigrants has become an avatar of a lesser-known, voiceless Anaheim, one riddled with poverty and gangs.


When police shot and killed a 25-year-old alleged gang member who lived on Anna Drive, it stoked what had been a growing fire in the city. It was the latest in a spate of police shootings last year, which inflamed anger with law enforcement into a larger sense of resentment over ethnic and class fissures that divide Orange County's largest city.


Unrest — amplified by Occupy-connected protesters from outside the city — gripped Anaheim for days after the July shooting, followed by weeks of heated City Council meetings.


The wave of protesters demanding change has washed away, but Rojas has emerged in its wake. The 35-year-old mother of six, with short, wavy dark hair and a small frame that belies her force of will, has taken it upon herself to become the voice of Anna Drive.


Her family lives in a one-bedroom apartment just yards from where Manuel Diaz was shot that summer day. Rojas' 14-year-old daughter saw Diaz's body and has been traumatized since. Her mother can't let that go.


"I thought about leaving, and so did my husband, because of the children," she said. "But I said no. Because, first of all, we don't need to fear anyone, not even the police. The biggest thing right now is to stay on our feet and make things happen as a community. If we all leave, things won't change. They'll keep trampling us and humiliating us."


Rojas has a vision for her community that would seem bold if her wishes weren't so simple: She imagines playgrounds and community centers and political representation. But most of all, she sees respect for Anna Drive.


She balances two jobs, but she makes time for her community. She bends the ears of politicians. She organizes rallies encouraging her neighbors to register to vote and head to the polls. She plans events that she hopes will draw together a community that has grown accustomed to seeing itself as the backdrop of news cameras trying to highlight the city's ills.


And on this night, dozens gathered to pray a rosario in the tight courtyard outside her apartment, where the statue of the Virgin rested on an altar of roses and carnations.


As sirens echoed in the distance, the crowd stayed late into the night. They sang, they danced, they sipped cinnamon-spiced coffee.


And they prayed, petitioning the Virgin Mother for peace and for guidance.


"This is the community," Rojas said. "These are the people of Anna Drive."


::


Anna Drive, a collection of squat, modest apartment buildings, horseshoes off of a busy thoroughfare. On any given day, it pulses with life: children whipping down the sidewalk on scooters and skateboards, older boys tussling with one another and nanas and tatas watching it all unfold from chairs in their frontyards.


The street is clogged with cars and the vending truck that always seems to be parked along the same slice of curb, hawking snacks, produce and spices to the families who live on this stretch of tidy apartments and small, fenced-in lawns.


Rojas came to Anna Drive about a year ago, moving her family into the tight but comfortable apartment, its walls lined with family photographs. She was born in the Mexican state of Guanajuato, but she has lived much of her life in the flatlands of Anaheim. Her mother has lived in the same apartment, just a few blocks away, for decades.





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RIM says 15,000 BlackBerry 10 apps submitted in under two days









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'Argo,' 'Les Mis' win at Golden Globes


BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) — Ben Affleck got some vindication and Jodie Foster made a revelation at the Golden Globe Awards.


Affleck's "Argo" earned him best motion picture drama and director honors at Sunday night's ceremony. The awards came just a few days after Affleck was surprisingly omitted from the best-director category at the Academy Award nominations. Affleck also stars in the real-life drama as the CIA operative who orchestrated a daring rescue of six American embassy employees during the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis.


These wins seem to shake up the Oscar race, in which Steven Spielberg's stately, historical epic "Lincoln" was looking like a juggernaut. Despite seven Golden Globe nominations, "Lincoln" earned just one award: best actor for Daniel Day-Lewis' intense, richly detailed portrayal of Abraham Lincoln as he fought for passage of the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery. Spielberg's film heads into the Feb. 24 Academy Awards with a leading 12 nominations.


The other big winner of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's honors was "Les Miserables." Based on the international musical sensation and Victor Hugo's novel of strife and redemption in 19th century France, it won best picture musical or comedy, best actor for Hugh Jackman and best supporting actress for Anne Hathaway.


"Honestly, I would have played a musket, so I'm thrilled I got to sing a really good song," Hathaway joked backstage. She belts out the dramatic "I Dreamed a Dream" as the doomed prostitute Fantine.


But perhaps the biggest news of the night was from Foster, who came out without really coming out and suggested she was retiring from acting but then backpedaled a bit backstage. Foster was this year's recipient of the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award, which is announced beforehand and is usually a pretty respectful and predictable part of the evening.


But the 50-year-old Oscar-winner for "The Silence of the Lambs" and "The Accused," who's been protective of her private life and reluctant to discuss her sexual orientation, used this opportunity to speak from the heart in a rambling and emotional speech that confirmed what long had been an open secret. The veteran actress seized control of what is every year a noisy, boozy ballroom; the crowd of A-listers quickly quieted down as it became apparent that she had something serious and important to say.


She was coy at first, suggesting she had a big announcement that would make her publicist nervous. (At this point, the audio inexplicably dropped out of the NBC broadcast, even though nothing off-color was said.)


Then she stated: "I'm just going to put it out there, loud and proud ... I am, uh, single," pausing for dramatic effect before that last word. "I hope you're not disappointed that there won't be a big coming-out speech tonight. I already did my coming-out about a thousand years ago back in the Stone Age."


She also made it sound as if this would be her last time on stage, but clarified for reporters afterward: "I could never stop acting. You'd have to drag me behind a team of horses. I'd like to be directing tomorrow. I'm more into it than I have ever been."


Among the other multiple winners of the night, "Django Unchained," Quentin Tarantino's spaghetti Western-blaxploitation mashup, earned two awards: for supporting actor Christoph Waltz as a charismatic bounty hunter and for Tarantino's script. The writer-director thanked his friends for letting him read scenes to them as he works through his scripts.


"You guys don't know how important you are to my process," he said. But he added: "I don't want input. I don't want you to tell me if I'm doing anything wrong. Heavens forbid."


"Zero Dark Thirty," which also has been a major contender throughout awards season, earned Jessica Chastain a best-actress Globe for her portrayal of a driven CIA operative at the center of the hunt for Osama bin Laden. That film's director, Kathryn Bigelow, also was left out of the best-director category at the Academy Awards even though it's up for best picture — a result of having nine best-picture nominees and only five best-director slots.


Looking ahead to how the wins for "Argo" might change the Oscar race, Affleck said backstage he tries not to handicap those kinds of things.


"We got nominated for seven Oscars," he told reporters. "If you can't be happy with that, your prospects for long-term happiness are pretty dim.


"I also didn't get the acting nomination," he added, getting a big laugh. "No one is saying I got snubbed there."


On the television side, "Game Change" and "Homeland" were the big winners with three awards apiece. "Game Change," the made-for-HBO movie about 2008 vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, won for best motion picture or miniseries made for television, best actress for Julianne Moore and best supporting actor for Ed Harris' portrayal of John McCain. "Homeland" was named best TV drama series, and its stars Claire Danes and Damian Lewis received the dramatic acting awards.


Co-hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, longtime friends and collaborators, had playfully snarky fun with several members of the audience including Taylor Swift, Day-Lewis, Bigelow and even former President Bill Clinton, who arrived on stage to rock-star applause when he introduced "Lincoln" as one of the best-picture nominees.


Fey and Poehler were also competing against each other for best actress in a TV comedy series, Fey for "30 Rock" and Poehler for "Parks and Recreation."


Neither won. Lena Dunham claimed the comedy series Globe for "Girls."


After that, Fey and Poehler showed up on stage with cocktail glasses, with Fey joking that it was time to start drinking.


"Everyone's getting a little loose now that we're all losers," Poehler said.


Poehler's final words also referred back to the biggest moment of the night. She cracked as she was signing off: "We're going home with Jodie Foster!"


___


AP Entertainment Writers Anthony McCartney and Beth Harris contributed to this report.


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Well: Calling All Cauliflower

At my house we eat cauliflower like popcorn. Using a simple recipe from Alice Waters, we slice it thin, toss in olive oil and salt, and roast. One head of cauliflower is never enough.

This week in Recipes for Health, Martha Rose Shulman takes us on a trip to Sicily, where cauliflower is a favorite food. She writes:

Every once in a while I revisit the cuisine of a particular part of the world (usually it is located somewhere in the Mediterranean). This week I landed in Sicily. I was nosing around my cookbooks for some cauliflower recipes and opened my friend and colleague Clifford A. Wright’s very first cookbook, “Cucina Paradiso: The Heavenly Food of Sicily.” The cuisine of this island is unique, with many Arab influences – lots of sweet spices, sweet and savory combinations, saffron, almonds and other nuts. Sicilians even have a signature couscous dish, a fish couscous they call Cuscusù.

Cauliflower is a favorite vegetable there, though the variety used most often is the light green cauliflower that we can find in some farmers’ markets in the United States. I adapted a couple of Mr. Wright’s pasta recipes, changing them mainly by reducing the amount of olive oil and anchovies enough to reduce the sodium and caloric values significantly without sacrificing the flavor and character of the dishes.

I didn’t just look to Sicily for recipes for this nutrient-rich cruciferous vegetable, but I didn’t stray very far. One recipe comes from Italy’s mainland, and another, a baked cauliflower frittata, is from its close neighbor Tunisia, fewer than 100 miles away across the Strait of Sicily.

Here are five new ways to cook with cauliflower.

Sicilian Pasta With Cauliflower: Raisins or currants and saffron introduce a sweet element into the savory and salty mix.


Baked Ziti With Cauliflower: A delicious baked macaroni dish that has a lot more going for it nutritionally than mac and cheese.


Cauliflower and Tuna Salad: Tuna adds a new element to a classic Italian antipasto of cauliflower and capers dressed with vinegar and olive oil.


Tunisian Style Baked Cauliflower Frittata: A lighter and simpler version of an authentic Tunisian frittata.


Sicilian Cauliflower and Black Olive Gratin: A simple gratin that is traditionally made with green cauliflower, but is equally delicious with the easier-to-obtain white variety.


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MetLife gets out of banking business, sells deposits to GE Capital









WASHINGTON -- Snoopy is getting out of the banking business.


Insurance giant MetLife Inc., which uses Peanuts characters as its corporate mascots, on Monday closed a deal to sell its banking assets. 


GE Capital Retail Bank, a subsidiary of General Electric Co., acquired MetLife Bank's $6.4 billion in deposits and its online banking operation, the companies announced. Financial terms of the deal were not released.





The move came after MetLife Bank's federal regulator, the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, approved the transaction last month. MetLife said it has already started the process for deregistering as a bank holding company.


MetLife has had a banking operation since 2001.


"The closing of the transaction with GE Capital is an important step in the process of exiting retail banking and allows MetLife to maintain its strategic focus as a global insurance and employee benefits leader," said MetLife Chief Executive Steven A. Kandarian.


By leaving the banking business, MetLife would escape federal restrictions on its broader operations. It did not take any bailout money during the 2008 financial crisis, but because of the company's overall size, it qualified as one of the nation's largest bank holding companies.


Last year, MetLife Bank was one of four of the nation's 19 largest banks that failed a Federal Reserve stress test to determine how well they could handle a worst-case economic scenario. The failure meant those banks were not allowed to increase dividends or buy back additional stock.


For GE, the deal brings "an established online banking platform," the company said. GE Capital Retail Bank offers credit cards and other consumer lending, but did not take deposits.


"This strategic transaction is a strong fit for our business," said Margaret Keane, chief executive of GE Capital Retail Bank and GE Capital Retail Finance. "We will be able to leverage our existing infrastructure and capabilities to seamlessly integrate MetLife's online deposit business and serve these valued customers."


ALSO:


Treasury says no to trillion-dollar coin


Citigroup and 3 other banks fail Fed stress test


Wells Fargo's profit rises 25% in 4th quarter as loans grow


Follow Jim Puzzanghera on Twitter and Google+.





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Egyptian court orders new trial for Mubarak









CAIRO—





An Egyptian court granted an appeal by former President Hosni Mubarak and ordered a new trial into the killings of hundreds of protesters during the 2011 uprising, a move certain to inflame the political unrest that has upset the country’s democratic transition.

The ruling was a victory for the ailing Mubarak and his Interior minister, Habib Adli, who also won his appeal. Both men, who had been sentenced to life in prison, face other criminal charges and are likely to remain in detention until a new trial in the deaths by security forces of more than 800 protesters.

“The previous ruling was unfair and illegal,” said Yousry Abdelrazeg, one of Mubarak’s lawyers, who accused the judge in the first trial of political bias. “The case was just a mess and there was no evidence against Mubarak.”

No date has been set for the new trial.

The court’s decision comes amid turmoil over an Islamist-backed constitution and outrage over the expanded powers of Islamist President Mohamed Morsi. It means a bloody chapter in Egypt’s 2011 revolt will be revisited with the prospect that Mubarak, whose police state ruled for 30 years, may be absolved in a case that deepened the nation’s political differences and impassioned the Arab world.

Mubarak was convicted in June of not preventing the deaths of hundreds of protesters attacked by police and snipers during the uprising, which began on Jan. 25, 2011, and ended 18 days later when he stepped aside and the military seized power.

Mubarak argued that he had not ordered the crackdown and was unaware of the extent of the violence. A recently completed government-ordered investigation into the killings, however, reportedly found that Mubarak had monitored the deadly response by security forces in Tahrir Square via a live television feed.

The appeals court ruling came a day after prosecutors announced an investigation into allegations that Mubarak, 84, received about $1 million in illicit gifts from Al Ahram, the country’s leading state-owned newspaper. The former president has reportedly been in a military hospital since December after he fell in a prison bathroom and injured himself.

Last year’s trial riveted the nation with images of the aging Mubarak wheeled into the defendant’s cage on a stretcher, his arms crossed and his eyes hidden behind sunglasses.

jeffrey.fleishman@latimes.com  

(Special correspondent Reem Abdellatif contributed to this report)

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Why This Outdated Dating Manual Did Not Need a Social-Media Update






The Rules, a dating instruction manual of yore by two ladies named Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (they know what they’re talking about ’cause they’re married!), should, by now, have gone the way of the cave drawing or the horse and buggy, as a relic of times past. It was initially published in 1995, nearly 20 years ago, and we don’t even want to calculate what that means in dog years. But alas, it’s still hanging around, lurking in the bookshelves of various bricks and mortar stores where such things are sold; lingering on Amazon.com and giving us coquettish looks; promising such things as actual, official answers in the ongoing struggle to win a man and make him put a ring on it (I’m paraphrasing, of course).


RELATED: Actual Wall Streeters Respond to Matchmaker’s Tips for Dating Them






Far from aging gracefully and going away, it’s been updated to bring it up to speed with the newfangled ways in which we do things, you know, on the Facebook and World Wide Web and whatnot. Of course, business-wise, this makes sense. It’s a best-seller! In fact, there’s a whole franchise of Rules books, described by Elle as “one of the best self-help books of all time.” So why wouldn’t Fein and Schneider and their publisher hope to make some more money with a new installment of the book that promises answers to pressing social media-dating questions like these: “How long should I wait to respond to his text message? Can I friend him on Facebook? Why did he ask for my number but never call me?” 


RELATED: Andrea Peyser Does Not Approve of This ‘Online Dating’


Well, they would. Grand Central Publishing released the book, Not Your Mother’s Rules, on January 8, and it’s ranked number 4 in dating books on Amazon. One would presume from the title and the pitch that the ladies behind it hope that the younger generations will lap this stuff up, just like their moms did. 


RELATED: Commuting to the Suburbs of Love


Of course, it’s a self-help book, so I am predisposed to dislike it. Self-help books, especially those about dating, often fall into a category that could be better described as, well, undermining. The problems with such books for me are multifold. One, they posit that human relationships can be commoditized; that there is one path that works for all in terms of getting what you want. (They also presume, in a stereotypical manner, that what we all want is the same, and, I think, infer there’s some ongoing battle between men, who want one thing, and women, who want the opposite.) I don’t think those messages are true, and I don’t think they’re particularly healthy or helpful, either.


RELATED: The Trials of Being a Married Olympian


Further, self-help books are published to make money. Those that say they’ll teach a reader how to get married or get the relationship they want do so by preying on the bewilderment, confusion, insecurity, and desires of women (and sometimes men, too). Sure, dating is hard. Sure, it’s difficult to find “the right person.” But the process should also to be fun, experiential, silly, weird, unique, and something we learn from. Figuring out what you want for yourself by doing it, that’s a great thing. Making dating about adhering to some code that a couple of people came up with and want to sell you so they can make money, well, that’s not so great. Women and men may read this stuff because they think it can’t hurt. Sometimes it feels good to believe that there are rules that can be followed to get what we want; it means we need only have the dedication and commitment to follow those rules, which is way easier than, for instance, thinking for ourselves deeply and making our own decisions, and having courage and believing in ourselves. 


RELATED: Old People Are Getting Better at Dating


Some of the advice in this book may not be categorically awful. Simplified to “don’t act like an obsessive”; “pause before you rush to do something you regret”; and “take care of yourself!” some instructions could actually be quite handy as a common-sense reminder. But categorizing it as stuff women need to follow to snag a man makes it highly problematic, even if the occasional tip is not so bad. And stuff like this, “New chapters include rules for text flirting: women under 30 wait 30 minutes to respond to a man’s text; older women should wait 4 hours,” as Pat Kiernan wrote today on his blog, is particularly disheartening, and inherently sort of woman-hating. Control your texting, The Rules ladies say. “Women shouldn’t take the first step to initiate any relationship — and that includes online dating,” they told the New York Daily News. Once you have a guy, ignore him, “at least for a little while.” And don’t sext until you’re married. That might save us from a few political scandals. But is this the kind of advice women need, in this day and age? 


If there was to be an excellent dating self-help book for the year 2013, I’d hope it would tell people to trust themselves. To behave as they see fit, according to the situation they’re in, regardless of age, because they are smart, lovely people who deserve the good things they put out into the world, and even if they make mistakes, they’ll find their way and do the right thing. That self-help book would tell women to stop reading dating self-help books, and instead to behave as though they knew they were wise enough to decide for themselves what they should do, to interpret the signs and make the right moves, or make the wrong ones and deal with that, too, instead of adhering to some rules that aren’t really the way we are at all. It would most of all tell everyone to be themselves, and stop pretending to be something else. Because The Rules, and those who follow them, create some weird perceptions among men and women. Suddenly anyone who does text someone right back is perceived somehow as needy or “too easy to get.” That’s especially odd given that a four-hour delay in a response, when you could respond quite easily, is actually rather rude. Would that we could rid the world of such descriptions as “hard to get” altogether, because more important than playing games or appearing a certain way (difficult to get?) is finding someone you care about and behaving a way that shows that you do. Why do we persist, instead, in making everything so convoluted and difficult?


We can only hope, I suppose, that as time progresses these tips will become as ancient and quaint-sounding as, for example, the instructions in Miss Leslie’s Behavior Book, published in the 1800s. Until then, a word of advice. Follow your instincts; if it feels right, it probably is; don’t believe everything you read in dating books, and maybe, do yourself a favor: Don’t read dating advice books at all. But DO read Miss Leslie’s, for snippets such as this: 


b40b1  8527d59c0385dddd0caa8a3261fe7dde 510x283 Why This Outdated Dating Manual Did Not Need a Social Media Update


Now, that’s helpful advice. 


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Oscar snubs leave Globes with also-ran nominees


BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) — Hollywood's junior prom for film honors features quite a different cast than the senior prom at next month's Academy Awards.


Sunday night's Golden Globes are in a rare place this season, coming after the Oscar nominations, which were announced earlier than usual and threw out some shockers that have left the Globe show a little less relevant.


Key Globe contenders lined up largely as expected, with Steven Spielberg's Civil War saga "Lincoln" leading with seven nominations and two CIA thrillers — Kathryn Bigelow's "Zero Dark Thirty" and Ben Affleck's "Argo" — also doing well.


Yet while "Lincoln," ''Argo" and "Zero Dark Thirty" grabbed best-picture slots for the Oscars, Bigelow and Affleck were snubbed for directing honors after a season that had seen them in the running for almost every major award.


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